That’s a note to myself. Let me explain.
I look at what I can’t do alot. I look at what position I’m not in. I look at what I don’t have. I look at where I need to push push push myself to be a better person.
But where am I pulling myself if I’m always pushing myself. I’m hurting myself! I’m physically whipped, mentally drained, and emotionally pulled all over the place. I try to be a better man.
I say that I will always step myself up a notch, but am I going too far? My friends and family say you have to stop being hard on yourself. I always say that being hard on myself pushes myself forward. I don’t like to stop. I don’t like to be still.
But what does God say? “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) God tells me what I should do.
Am I throwing opportunities out the window all over the place when I tell others and myself to push forward? I can actually cause some bad to come out of good.
I focus so much on the push forward that I lose sight of what I NEED to do. Simple tasks such as socializing, self preparation, school work, job necessities, and food intake become second… to last place as far as things I need to do.
What happens when I don’t do these things? Socially, I suffer insecurity because people don’t know me. I’m not on campus so nobody really knows me. Self preparing, I lack getting simple tasks done like failing to do laundry to get clean clothes. In school work, I’m always behind and always practically begging my teachers to give me lots and lots of grace toward assignments. My job has shown me tons of grace and mercy towards me. There’s been several times where I’ve been late, a couple times I didn’t even show up, and times where I’ve left without doing my job completely. Finally, my food intake suffers. I believe chores has to go along with food intake because food intake is a chore to me. I have to plan out my meals and when I’m going to eat. Should be easy right? Wrong. I forget to plan and forget to eat. I suffer from sickness all the time because I’m either not eating or I have too much sweets because sweets are easier.
So there’s my stop. That’s why I write this. I have to stop focusing on the push and actually live. I’m also discouraged in terms of getting myself in situations that cause emotional tugs and such. One way to stop that? Get busy with DOING life… not thinking or over analyzing things all the time.
So Dan, shut up, move forward doing life.
Posted by a1chemist on April 16, 2009 at 4:09 am
I can so identify with this post. I am often too hard on myself, but in a different way. I tend to regret a lot and analyze how I could have done things better in order to get a different outcome. But God has helped me realize that I need to focus on where I want to be and trust Him to show me how to get there. And not to regret anything, for He gives me a lesson in all experiences.
Whatever you focus on, you will gravitate toward. Here’s an analogy of this… let’s say you’re driving and you fixate your eyes on a specific point. Subconsciously, you will begin to direct your car toward that point. It is the same in life. Focus on who you want to be and where you want to go in Christ and you will begin to position yourself to get there. I would encourage you not to beat yourself and harbor negative thoughts about yourself. We must constantly strive to see ourselves as Christ sees us so that we will position our entire lives toward becoming more like His view of us.
It sounds like you want to make a lot of changes and that right now you need to focus on His peace and His certainty. I pray that God helps you position yourself to receive His peace and gives you assurance on where He is taking you. Your life is blessed. You will be great in Him because you are so steadfastly seeking Him. Don’t worry so much… no, correction. Don’t worry AT ALL! Because He’s got you, brother