-wandering eyes
-illegal downloads
-speeding
-swearing
-watching rated movies
-the amount of “stuff” to do while dating before marriage
-patience (esp in stores)
-helping others with the door
-saying hello to people
-friendly to everyone
-going beyond yourself
-reaching for serious potential
-don’t go idle
-video games

more to come

Ps – I’m back.

I don’t think the verses were to be taken quite literally. I think what the writer was saying was that our prayer time must not just be all public prayer. It’s really not for people to see us praying. Prayer is actually a conversation with God and as such, prayer is between yourself and God. It’s really nobody else’s business to know all about your relationship with God, but really only for them to look from the outside in on your heart motives and your walk with God.

The problem I’ve been having of lately is that since I’ve not been doing public prayer at all, fearing being prideful and possibly arrogant, I’ve dropped off on prayer also for personal time. My relationship with God is dwindling slowly. And as I realize this, I’ve sent word to some friends to help get me up out of this whole- that seems no way out.

Most of the time I observe things in everyday life. I observe and learn, observe and learn. Lately I’ve observed how easy it is actually to become a bible enthusiast and not to actually have a current up-to-date relationship with God. It’s really easy.

My challenge to anyone who reads this (AND TO MYSELF RIGHT NOW) is to keep a current up-to-date relationship with God and start that kindling so it turns into a fire that never stops burning. Fire is a symbol currently of the intensity of my relationship with God. It feels, currently, like a little candle. I know exactly what Jesus said “when you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains.” Right now I’d say my faith is smaller than a mustard seed and is shrinking… Time to kick up the reception between God and I.

If you currently are struggling like I am, tremendously, just start talking to God. I know it’s not easy to do… I’m finding out this very moment how I’m going to start talking to God and just what to say. Most of the time I’d say that music is a form of talking to God through thankfulness.

I’m glad to be back on wordpress. Hit me up if you wanna: facebook.com/lifeforgiven

But that’s not what I want to say at all.

I haven’t been on wordpress in a while. I just had decided I was going to use my xanga.com/lifeforgiven06 blog as my only blog to let people in on life. But it’s not like that with xanga. I write simple quick quirks to let people know whats going on with life, do some kind of evangelism, and leave it at that. Somedays I show my frustrations about stuff, but nothing too major I guess.

Here at wordpress I teach. Now it isn’t teaching like I teach in a classroom, but just a small blog among many other blogs. This blog I want to be geared toward evangelism, but I also want it to encourage someone when life is crappy. Hence the title of this blog.

Life does suck sometimes. Rejection sucks. Weather sometimes sucks. But what sucks the most is not having purpose. Now when things suck, I tend to turn around in the direction I’m going. I tend to bottle up inside my apt not giving anyone a glimpse of the struggles I’m going through. It’s really a deadening thing. I think the greatest thing I need to keep in mind when things suck is that God does not. In James chapter 1 and 2 it talks about trials. Ya’ll know what trials are so I don’t have to speak to you like second graders. God does not suck because he puts us through these trials to teach us to trust him more… and more… and more. Can we ever “over-trust” God? Answer: not really. As long as we’re in our human skin, we will distrust naturally more than we will trust… hence growth and trials. Because of this natural-ness in our human-ness, we will never “over-trust” God. If we think that we are starting to, we’ll automatically start “sinning” to not be? But in reality, when we start thinking we are, we are, in fact, failing at trusting God. Get it?

So back to this having purpose. I know we’ve all heard it before, but let me get real with you. Atheists need to know something: they have no hope at all. It’s depressing living off of facts which haven’t been able to be proved. When you live for your Creator, God, you live with purpose. That doesn’t mean you’re going to be become a great evangelist like Billy Graham or Mark Driscoll. If everyone were to become a great evangelist, we’d not have a proportionate body in Christ. It’d be so focused on selfish and competition. But I can say when you live for your Creator, God, you have purpose. That purpose might be something that seems boring like “worshiping God”, but I want to tell you something: it’s amazing.

Don’t try to be something or someone, period. Be a worshiper. You might be thinking: how in the heck do I be a worshiper? (more to come)

I look at what I can’t do alot. I look at what position I’m not in. I look at what I don’t have. I look at where I need to push push push myself to be a better person.

But where am I pulling myself if I’m always pushing myself. I’m hurting myself! I’m physically whipped, mentally drained, and emotionally pulled all over the place. I try to be a better man.

I say that I will always step myself up a notch, but am I going too far? My friends and family say you have to stop being hard on yourself. I always say that being hard on myself pushes myself forward. I don’t like to stop. I don’t like to be still.

But what does God say? “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) God tells me what I should do.

Am I throwing opportunities out the window all over the place when I tell others and myself to push forward? I can actually cause some bad to come out of good.

I focus so much on the push forward that I lose sight of what I NEED to do. Simple tasks such as socializing, self preparation, school work, job necessities, and food intake become second… to last place as far as things I need to do.

What happens when I don’t do these things? Socially, I suffer insecurity because people don’t know me. I’m not on campus so nobody really knows me. Self preparing, I lack getting simple tasks done like failing to do laundry to get clean clothes. In school work, I’m always behind and always practically begging my teachers to give me lots and lots of grace toward assignments. My job has shown me tons of grace and mercy towards me. There’s been several times where I’ve been late, a couple times I didn’t even show up, and times where I’ve left without doing my job completely. Finally, my food intake suffers. I believe chores has to go along with food intake because food intake is a chore to me. I have to plan out my meals and when I’m going to eat. Should be easy right? Wrong. I forget to plan and forget to eat. I suffer from sickness all the time because I’m either not eating or I have too much sweets because sweets are easier.

So there’s my stop. That’s why I write this. I have to stop focusing on the push and actually live. I’m also discouraged in terms of getting myself in situations that cause emotional tugs and such. One way to stop that? Get busy with DOING life… not thinking or over analyzing things all the time.

So Dan, shut up, move forward doing life.

The life of Paul is very much not like a simple bedtime story. For those who want to read about Paul, please get this book. There are so many situations and facts and presentations just within the first couple of chapters that LOCK IN and LINK TOGETHER Paul and what he says with his letters. It’s really cool.

God made Paul smart so God could use Paul (even after Paul persecuted Christians for a living)… weird how that all works together, BUT it fits together with no jumbled up pieces.

People think the Bible is so complex. I believe the Bible, knowing and understanding the Bible, is the beginning of all knowledge. If you know the Bible, you know how to live basically. It’s the guidebook. But all too often I get people who don’t even want to look at a Bible or anything like that. They’d rather dis the Bible completely and to me, as much as that is sad, it’s their choice.

I think it’s the responsibility of the Christian man and woman to spread the Bible to people. Somehow we need to push our beliefs on people… in a way that’s respectful, humbling, but yet firm and strong in relating. It’s our job to spread this word, but how can we do that right here in this culture right now? How about we start with a prayer? Then after a prayer, start a small group. Spread it to others. They spread it to others and the hands helping for the Kingdom of God will grow and grow. We need these hands.

I’m talking about relationships. I have gone down the road far too long with relationship after relationship with girl after girl. I’m not saying I had a long line of girls that I’ve dated. The line is probably much shorter than many people I know. What I’m saying is that I’ve been done with that road for a while now. Yet I still continue to try and go down that road time and time again.

God has closed that road. He has put a sign on that road and said the bridge up ahead is out, you better not take this way. Why don’t I listen. I know the bridge is out. I know that way is not possible, but yet I still tried to go down that road this summer. I’ve royally screwed up in the summer. Went into something of a “relationship” with a girl from my work just to feel something, but nothing. It was that same feeling I got after trying to be with someone who I wasn’t supposed to be with. There was a lack of commitment because God hadn’t given a clear yes. Most of the times the only thing clear was the no. I just didn’t listen too well. I used people. They might not have used me, but I used them. They understand it. They have forgiven me and I try not to go down that road again.

I hang out with friends of the opposite sex only to a certain point knowing that if I continue to hang out with them that eventually I’ll find a stupid way to get around the word “friendship” to “maybe I wanna give this a shot” to “we’re just playing around” to “it’s complicated” to “ok- now we’re just using each other.” The reason it happens in that order is because of what has happened all my life. My family line is made up of people who just got together to play around and then eventually just linked together because of either circumstances or need. I’m no exception! My family line is made up of drunks, rapists, and some other stuff that I just don’t want to get into. I hate it! Can I say that? I’m not exactly proud of this name I carry. It doesn’t say “hey I’m a guy from a great family so my values/ things I were taught were awesome.”

I’m not saying my Mom didn’t do an excellent job in my family. That’s just the point. My Mom took us kids aside, got us in church, and raised us with the church. She knew our whole family line sucked. She knew what the outcome was if we continued down that road. She didn’t want it. So she tried and continues to try to keep us on the right and moving in the forward direction. So that’s where I stand. That’s where my good morals come from. That’s where “Bible College” came from. That’s where all that comes from. But there’s still some crap and it’s not my Mom’s fault. It’s just life. I do just get annoyed with it.

And that right is mine. I also believe I have somewhat of a right to be humbly annoyed. I humble myself alot. I do it to people, to myself, to the school, to my friends, to my family, to people I don’t even know at all. I do it because it works. Not only does it work, but it brings hope to my life and the lives involved. Jesus knew that very well when he humbled himself to mankind for death on a cross. Why I’m humbly annoyed is hard to explain so let me throw it out there for you.

I’m humble to my position in life, yet annoyed with things right now. I want to be humble, am humble, but yet annoyed at the same time. This doesn’t just pertain to relationships or lack of them, but to life in general. Do I have a right to say so? I have an excellent job making minimum wage and couldn’t be happier that I even have a job considering my situation. People around me get raises, but I don’t because of maybe a lack of commitment… due to medical stuff.

So that’s the answer. I’m humbly annoyed because of my medical stuff. I’m happy with it. Trust me I’m not extatic, but I’m happy that’s all it is. It could be different and thus I take pride in my condition because God has me here for a reason. I could be in a different spot. I could be dating, have a car, great grades, a better paying job, more awake to do the things I need/want to do, etc. These are all things I could be having/doing if I didn’t have my medical. What I’m saying is that I’m alright that it wasn’t so, but I’m also sad. Sadness deep inside my core is yearning to launch out one of these nights just to grieve for all the crap in life. Under the circumstances I should/could have been these things, but God changed that through a situation in life that I can never change. It was out of my control. There was no way to get around it. There is blame that’s been said, but we’re all human. I forgive the ones to blame for the situation in my life because I, too, am human and make stupid mistakes. God’s got me here, humbled, and I continue to seek him.

I wrote this note because many things are happening at Davis College this year. It’s probably the same like every year, but it just hits me harder it seems this year. People have “hooked up” and that lonliness inching aching feeling is starting to set in. People are getting those great grades and the lack of them on my part is killing me slowly. I took pride in my work and now I have nothing much to take pride in, but for whatever progress I make, I am thankful not prideful. People have those cars and I lack one that I desperately soon need for work. They don’t have a job, responsibility, or structure, but have a car. That’s annoying to me. People have money and I always need that money to humbly pay back those that have given who also are in need. Those are friends that I’m in debt to. They love me unconditionally.

I’m not asking “where’s God?” I know where Elohim is. He is right here. He is in this room. He is sitting next to me. He’s outside looking through the window. Comprehensively, he’s everywhere. God has very much control of my life and I’m not mad at him for making it the way it is. I’m humbled. I don’t want control of my life because I know the direction I’ll take it will eventually destroy everything about me and around me. I wait for him. He has said yes to Davis College, yes to working for a nice company making minimum wage, yes to having an apartment to share, yes to the food I have, yes to the friends I’m with, yes to alot of things I can never understand. I do not want to go without him because he directs my paths. He turns my roads. He builds my bridges. He sets me the direction I need to go. He gives me the freedom to choose it.

I’m humbly annoyed because I fear others have not found it. My heart with a passion goes out to them because they are the ones lost. They know destruction lies ahead, but continue to walk. Maybe they prepare the way ahead. Maybe they throw up their shields of wealth, power, love, control, strength, etc. They don’t know what will happen, but I do. They eventually fall, weak, unstable, and scared. They will be lost because their strength, their sheild, their protection wasn’t everlasting. It was only conditional. It didn’t solve their problems, but hid them from humanity. Their protection has withered away. The devil, the evil powers can attack full strength on them. They will be destroyed forever with no pass go’s, no new starts, no “please give me a chance”‘s. I see that. It says that in the Bible. Are you in for God, protector, sustainer, deliverer OR are you out for nothing but destruction and “it’s over.”

Let your yes be yes and your no be no. -Matthew 5:37

I wouldn’t say our country is going to hell or even that Obama is the anti-Christ. I would say that we’re struggling and God has answered prayers… whether it’s a yes for us or a no for us… he answered them. As Christian bro’s and sis’s we just got to keep moving forward and accept that this is whats happened. How to move forward is to allow the leadership of Obama to take presidency and us being humble to that fact and submitting to it also.

I’m not even going to get into details of how Obama could be the anti-Christ and I don’t know why I’ve told a few people how I thought he was. Obama has some pretty cool goals right now too and yes there is some crap smooshed in between them, he may just be another man willing to lead our country. Some assume he’s the anti-Christ, but what evidence do we have? The goal for world peace? A nation becoming the strongest power in the world? Or the hope that he portrays? There’s nothing as Christians we can do, but to pray for God to continue to lead us and reach out to others also. There is probably more than a slight evidence that Obama “could be” the anti-Christ… but we have no idea. We really don’t. So until then we just keep moving forward, praying, hoping, growing, and humbling ourselves to those God put above us.

As for a man with integrity, my vote with a passion goes to McCain. He’s a leader I would like to mold into more. So in ending, pray for strength, courage, power, love, intense devotion, etc because God has spoken and he has given us the freedom. We chose. We still gotta seek him especially now.

You then have questions like “how will you know you’re a christian and how can you find out you’re truly a Christian?” That’s something I can’t explain too easily but let me throw some stuff out there. You will know you’re a christian when you feel God working in your life. Those times where you think it’s impossible to do something, and then you were able to do it. Or those times in life where something happens that beyond any doubt, it was Christ working in you. Those are the times that God is at work in your life. The time that you become a christian is when you have faith, trust, hope and understanding that God and his sending Jesus Christ to the earth to show us how to live, die for us, get us a ticket to pure joy, living the right way righteously, and giving us the capability to even be able to be in connection to God… that’s when you become a christian.

That’s all it takes. So then you ask questions like “there’s gotta be a catch right?” My answer to that is: no. No catch at all. It’s all purely simple. It’s just a matter of you actually doing it. It may cause you to think outside of your box. It may cause you to be uncomfortable, but if you wanna be in communication with your creator then there you go. That’s all it takes.

You may also have questions like “how do I pray then and who to?” My answer: pray by just talking to God. It may seem like you’re talking to nobody at all at first. That’s because you just don’t exactly believe and have faith that God and him sending his son to die is real. It’s ok. I think every single person who is a christian has gone through this. It’s normal. But here’s the point. The point is to keep praying. Keep talking to God through any kind of method you think: writing, reading, eating, thinking, talking, etc. God does listen to you. If you think he isn’t listening then tell me why you think that. It’s probably because of the stuff in your life and/or the stuff in other peoples lives… I know this too. I got friends and family who think God doesn’t listen when something goes wrong or not their way at all. All I can say is continue to pray, even if you think nobody is listening, God is listening and he will answer.

Then you ask “how will God answer?” He answers through anything happening in our lives. Look at the facts. Something goes wrong in life: cause and effect. But when you add God in the picture, it not only shows a direction in which God wants you to go, but a purpose for why you’re going in that direction. God answers through the Bible also. The Bible has tons of answers to pretty much alot of our problems. All you gotta do is open it up, pray for God to show something, anything to you, and start reading. God is the one who opens up your mind, getting you to think outside the box, outside of yourself, and into a more and more whole picture. I 100% believe that if you’re in the Bible truly reading it trying to understand it, then God is gonna open your mind to more and more stuff in the Bible that will help you figure out stuff/problems in your life. Just be in prayer/talk to God about it.

Then you’ll probably ask the questions everyone ask: why. Why does God allow bad stuff to happen to people? Why does God not just save us in the beginning of time and let us in heaven? Why is there so much work to this christianity thing?

Ok why. God allows bad stuff to happen to people to teach all kinds of things. Think of God as you think of a parent and child. God is the father and the child is us. He teaches patience, understanding, expanding the mind, trusting him more, etc. He didn’t save us in the beginning because he knew before he even created us with freedom that naturally we’d be rebellious. We wouldn’t want to be with him. We’d want to be free. And since we were just created, having minds of a baby, we weren’t smart enough to be wise about stuff in our lives, hence the reason God is the father, to teach us whats right and whats not. All wrong things do lead to destruction in the end. So my philosophy is to just stay clear of most of the crap… but sometimes that’s impossible and that’s what defines us as humans, incapable of not sinning. You see, if God allowed into heaven ahead of time, we’d rebel our way to destruction and God hates evil. He can’t stand sin. He can’t be near. Nothing that’s rebellious or destructive will ever be near him. Because he loves us so much, he disciplines us to protect us in the end from becoming crap.

There’s so much work to this christianity thing because we’re naturally sinful people who naturally habitually sin and do stupid stuff. None of us are incapable of sinning. We’re all sinful people and naturally and habitually sin and head towards destruction. The work is attempting and sometimes successfully for a little time staying away from sin. It’s never a day without sin. We work at attempting to keep away from doing crap habitually.

Then you ask a question like “can’t I just not work on it, and sin, but still believe in God and his son Jesus dying on the cross? Good question. You can try, but will be unsuccessful in the end if you’re truly a Christian believer who believes that Jesus Christ died on the cross. Those that currently are not working on it, sin, and still believe, are gonna get their whatever in heaven. What I mean by whatever is God will judge us in the end. When you die, God will judge you on everything you did in your life. He will sit you on a bench of some sort and go through your life. He will tell you where you were wrong, where you were right, where you were being carried, etc. He will then reward you for the areas you committed to living better and away from destruction. He will also do some sort of discipline in the end of what you didn’t do right. It’s sounds harsh? It’s not really that harsh because during that time you’re getting judged, you will already realize how awesome God is and his mercy on our lives.

You might say that’s crap. Or yeah right? Did you know that was our true purpose on earth to begin with? Our true purpose started where Adam and Eve were created. We were created to worship God and to enjoy him. This is best shown through him providing for us and us being thankful for that. You see, in the garden of Eden, God supplied Adam and Eve with everything they ever needed or wanted. Period. Now we have to work for everything. Sucks eh? Yeah that’s because of sin that came about during that time of Adam and Eve.

Some of you might say: “this is bullcrap.” Yeah I thought so too. But now I don’t. I used to think life was all about work. Work work work work work. I was wrong. It’s about love, relationships, family, etc. It’s about the stuff we have already. But where did all this love originate from? What is my true purpose within this love relationship settings? It’s to be thankful for what God provides already. That’s our purpose. That’s what it means to ENJOY God. How do you enjoy gifts your parents give you? You use them, etc. Same thing with God. He gave us life. We enjoy that life through thankfulness. Make sense?

So what would be your next question be? Would it be… what makes this different from a cult? A cult is believing in something that is not satisfactory eternally. Christianity, or better known as “God sending Jesus to earth to show us how to live and be in connection to God,” is different from a cult. It’s believing in something satisfactory eternally. We’re talking about finding your purpose within a world completely lost. You ever watch the matrix? You ever see that part where Neo has to choose whether or not he has to take the red pill or the blue pill? That rabbit hole they talk about in that scene is Christianity. It’s seeing battles you couldn’t see with the naked eye. Those battles, whether or not with flying ninja crap, are spiritual battles. The evil wins then destruction occurs and you don’t live. The good wins and you got hope, purpose, and a future set. You exist for more than nothing. A cult leads to destruction in the end. Christianity, if you’re a real christian, leads to eternal purpose, hope, and a future set, existing for more than nothing.

I probably lost you back somewhere along in this super long note that was supposed to be a normal blog entry, but eh it’s God working through me. My goal is to show everyone they have purpose in this world. There’s more to life than what they do now, those that don’t believe in Christ, or have backed away from believing and living for that. I hope I was able to release some questions built up about this whole christianity thing you been thinking about.

That’s why I say I struggle with things. Struggling is fighting against doing something for myself that will lead to destruction in the end. We all struggle.

Do you wanna talk about it some more or ask questions? Just comment this if you want. I’ll try to clear it up a little. Help you mull through this. The word mulling I got from a cow. A cow has three stomachs. A cow chews up this crap and it goes through the first stomach mulches up, then up to the cows mouth again for more chewing, then down to the second stomach and more mulching, and up again… in the end it’s called mulling. When we mull through a question it means to chew up the question in our heads, talk about it, then chew on it some more. Really it’s like bouncing ideas off each other. So if you wanna talk about it or ask questions comment if you wanna.

Do you want to become familiar with God and know him personally. We now know that this is only possible through God sending his son to die here on earth on a cross. Our sins, past, present, and future, all died there too. We have communication and connection to God now. Here’s what I have done that helps me know God personally:

“God, I didn’t know some of this stuff that’s written here. I know now you created me originally with a purpose of loving you through thankfulness. I know that I’m a sinner because of what happened back in Bible times with Adam and Eve. I understand a little about your son who you sent to this earth to die for my sins/problems. I know that he showed us humans how to live on this earth through his own life living here. I know that he sacrificed himself on a cross, taking our sins with him there, the sins and him both dying on the cross there just so you and I could have communication and connection. Thank you for what you’ve done. I hope that I can learn more about this. Please open up my eyes more so I can figure out why things happened the way they do. Show me purpose in my life now. Thank you again for helping me realize this stuff right here. Amen.”

Why? Let me illustrate:

The bright lights of happiness distract me from you: forget me not, O Lord

The schemes of the enemy are just around the corner: forget me not, O Lord

The sorrow of circumstances tempts me to complain: forget me not, O Lord

The pangs of guilt convince me that I cannot be forgiven: forget me not, O Lord

When my faith is strong I may presume overconfidence, when my faith is weak I may overlook Your strength: forget me not, O Lord

-unknown

I don’t understand this world sometimes. I’m struggling non stop with everything. It seems harder to turn off the old in me and have a sanctifying relationship with Christ. It’s so much easier just to give up. And I have so much given up on what goal I thought I was going to accomplish. I almost want to throw it all out the window right now. My job, my education, my accomplishments already through Christ. I’ve been so challenged lately and I’m not even struggling anymore because I just gave up. I want to cry, but it seems like a never ending process. First comes the tears, then the heartfelt re-devotion to God serving Christ, the semi-promise to do better, and about 15-20 minutes later just slam into sin again. The natural seems almost impossible to stop. That battle seems so failured already. So after I go through the process, I sin again, and go through the process.

I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself. I know I think I’m forgiven for my stupidity already when Jesus said while he was dying on a cross “father forgive them for they do not know what they do.” This war is just about overpowering… battles losing and some winning, but mostly just wanting to surrender to the devil and deal with torment.

I know I’m saved from torment in hell through Jesus dying on the cross. But the torment, those trials James speaks about in James chapter 1, seem just about too much, more than before. Considering it pure joy when I go through trials doesn’t exactly get me to smile with adoration. It’s more or less my trials bring pure irritation, not only with myself, but with everything I say I’m gonna do but don’t do. Sounds like Paul when he says “the things I don’t wanna do I do and the things I do wanna do I don’t do these things.” I also know the verse where it says “no temptation in life has seized you except what is common to man.” It makes me feel better that I’m not the only soul in the world with troubles like these, no matter what kind they are.

There’s alot of temptation in this world. Chocolate, to me, is temptation at times. Anything and everything can be a temptation. And I know I can no longer say what a temptation is to someone else because we’re all built uniquely.

I guess what I get at here is that although Bible College is awesome and it’s teaching me lots of awesome stuff, it’s showing me areas that I need to surrender. I haven’t quite surrendered them yet. Actually, I don’t think it’ll be easy surrending these different areas to God. Some stuff in my life is so natural and my mistakes are so many according to the Bible. I know I’m not a so called “christian” when it comes to these areas.

Here’s what I wanna know. I wanna know how many people who have the same ‘kinda’ problems surrender their areas to God. If I’d know that it’d help me find out how many people have actually attempted and tried to live a life with Christ at the center, subtract their problems/sins.

Also another thing is that I want to be a leader, but I’m being slapped around. Leadership takes a severe beating from the outside world and the influence it’ll try to have on me. The media in the world I can no longer blame as the starting source to sin areas in my life. I am the blame-e for the sin source in my life. I’m the one born into it… not some stupid shows on tv, billboards, and posters. These beatings as a leader have crushed me spiritually in a kinda severe way. My walk is no longer tight like it was before. More and more God seems like a distant “too good to be true” kinda dream. It almosts seems like he’s just a make believe character that we all culted as christians to be God. That’s how the world wants me to perceive it.

But I haven’t given up all the way through. I haven’t packed my bags to get a one way ticket out of this education progress. I’m looking for something, something God points out to me to influence me to stay strong. I want to believe the only way I haven’t given up is because of my friends and their influence in my life as Chrsitian brothers and sisters. I know God is at work when he does something to get me to think especially while I’m still involved in my daily sin.

Now I know why they call vacation… vacation. It’s so I can get my feet kicking in the right direction. I wanna be kicking the evils face right into the dark away from me and kicking like I’m swimming.

Most people are in deep water in life. They’re swollowed in debt, struggling with relationships, dealing with crisis after crisis… their heads are sinking below water. They slowly and slowly become so much surrounded in everything that they change habitats and become like the fish who can breathe in water. Then they’re just sinking… and are fish. There’s no purpose to being a fish, sinking with the water way above our heads. Christ taught me, even in and through my current sins now, how to swim. It’s the area of just keep kicking forward. There’s purpose in swimming for Christ and showing others how to swim too. It helps us keep from destruction. Keeps us from drowning in ugh after ugh. This ‘swimming’ is taught through the Bible, prayer and redevo (re-devotions), and fellowship with others who are ‘swimming for Christ’ instead of sinking for nothing.

You know it’s harder to forgive a close friend (or friends) for something entirely completely irritable and hurtful than it is to forgive those enemies of ours. I think it’s because we’re close with our friends and when we get hurt in some way or another that it’s more like a stab in the chest versus a far enemy who just only does the damage of scratching you.

I’m learning forgiveness all over again. That specific kind where you gotta learn to forgive your friends just as much as your enemies. Some of us love to love the crap out of our enemies because we’re not too close to our enemies and it’s easy to shower someone else with gifts. Our friends are gonna hurt us in life. We just gotta learn to forgive them. I gotta learn to forgive them. It’s so difficult to do it sometimes. They stabbed you in areas that annoy you and hurt you, pain hurts. But forgiving them is the same thing as what Jesus Christ did for us all. He not only took our crap and our punishment, but near his last breathes he said “father forgive them…” It’s so striking to see that.

Learning to forgive someone is a matter of letting people back into our lives in some way, giving them the kind of opportunity to be our friends again. I don’t know if I like the saying forgive and never forget. I think in some ways God wants us to forget the past. The past helps us to learn to be better in the future. So we’re not as open as we used to be. We’re more careful who we go hang out alone with, etc.

It does bite though. I am learning to forgive a couple people in my life. I mean they’ve forgiven me for my crap… why can’t I for them? It takes alotta patience, long suffering, perseverance, love, humility, and servanthood to forgive someone. It’s a journey none the less. I know for me I haven’t been through this journey too much. I’m afraid to even talk about the words forgiveness as though someone possibly through all my writings and readings somehow hates me because of my stupidity in the past. I don’t like to “push their buttons” on that subject, if there is anyone out there. So I’m always fearful to talk about it. I want forgiveness in life and God has granted it for me. I still sin. I’m still an “unsuccessful failure” at life. But God and his son Jesus Christ STILL FORGIVE me. STILL. So my forgiveness? It should be STILL FORGIVE them. Is it? That’s the conviction tonight.

I’ve been learning alot again at Davis. Of course I may be older, weaker, skinnier, and smellier but I’m glad to say I’m not the leader. I’ve been thinking alot about leadership lately. Is it for me or is it not? I can’t seem to lead up my meetings with student gov’t yet, I keep running to the hospital all time, too busy for getting into people’s “stuff” to learn how to lead. I wanna be a servant more than anything right now. Leading is great, but what I want to be is welcome in the house of God. Of course student gov’t vice pres looks good on a resume, but whats even better than a resume anyways is being able to see God. I’m anticipating the day when I finally meet him and his son… because that day or time or whatever it is.. is gonna be awesome. Tears of JOY will stream from my eyes. I’m home. I’m not saying that leadership means that I’m not welcome at the house of God. What I’m saying is that I’d rather be a servant with the capability to serve and protect with all that I am.

See, what I’m seeing now is that although people say physical strength isn’t everything, it’s something I admire in people. Weird enough as that is. I definitely love it when people use their physical strength back into stuff of life. They help build something for free, clean places, being a servant. That’s why I look at some football players with great honor. They’re at the top doing their best at what they can and then instead of simply blowing it all on chicks, beer, and anything else, they’re putting the money back into places that need it. They’re sending it home to the people who really need it the most. Some athlete’s even volunteer hours and hours at places you’d never go. But they’re there doing it because they want to use their strength for good. There’s something about using your strength for good that gives you yet more strength.

Since I don’t have that physical strength and can’t really do much (this year I couldn’t even get into volleyball), I’ve been asking myself what do I have to give. I was feeling sorry for myself as I usually do, but you know what got me out of my feeling sorry for myself? Not only did tons of people encourage me out of my crap, but tons of people got me motivated into other stuff. I started to get involved into things where I could try my all… for God. You see me up on stage. I can’t look at people. In fact, I’m already getting yelled at encouragingly by some people for not having some kind of stage presence. I just can’t look at people. I don’t think it’s the fear of people really. I think it’s the fact that I wanna do the best I can at what I’m doing right now and do it ALL for God because without God I have nothing. He really is my strength (phil 4:13). I want that to be a testimony to any of you who feel you aren’t feeling good about something. God can use you. With the encouragement of bro’s and sis’s he’s using me in ways I thought impossible a year ago. I’m in not only 1 worship team, but 2. Something I thought was never gonna happen.

I lost alot again at the beginning of the new school year. I lost my job, freedom, and graciously forgiven, my attitude. I went nuts. Why? Because I wasn’t getting it right. I was getting anything right. I was getting so uncomfortable with myself, with others, with GOD. I got my job back, my freedom is slowly arriving back into my life again, and graciously I’ve been forgiven of my PURE STUPIDITY!! Praise God.

Worship is about bringing your gifts to the table and offering them back to God in music or anything you’re doing. You can worship God doing dishes. I might write a book about that someday and maybe sell it… but considering all the 13000000 other “christian books” I’d say nobody’d read it. Plus I didn’t come up with this simple equation on my own. How simple this equation of: Dan + gift to God = worship. I couldn’t seem to get that into my head. I had friends who know and are much more passionate about worship explain it to me. I have a kind of renewed love for worship and for playing. It’s a really like super high time to be in connection with God in unexplainable words. Why it’s taken me this long to understand that is beyond me. My stubborn-ness probably is the prideful sin in me.

If anyone reading this is challenged by what I’m saying, not just worship, but giving all to God and getting all from God, like strength, then talk to God about it. I know what I’m going through someone else may or may not be going through. Some out there may need to reboot from this. I’m no great evangelist, but only a guy who makes mistakes too. Human and walking around with a hammer, I nail Jesus to a cross. Why would he is beyond me… but I’m so grateful and thankful and human expression can’t show that at all anywhere near where it’s experienced through worship. God is real, but you gotta get outside of your human box to live in that reality. Next time you worship, like in prayer or just doing some chores, just let it all out. If you have to scream… do it up. God desires to see us fighting for him in our human skin.

A friend, obviously a girl because most of my friends are girls, told me that she missed my friendship with her this summer when we all left school. She said it was because I have been so real and I didn’t sugar coat things. To be honest, I don’t know exactly how to sugar coat things. I don’t like to be two different people simply because it gets selfish and it hurts someone somewhere along the lines. I like being what I like to call plain raw. It seems more realistic. The problem is that I don’t see others really struggle. I don’t quite understand what that means for me as either I’m blind or others are having a great life. Kinda like that whole grass is greener on the other side thing. I get frustrated because I feel attacked not only by my peers and friends but also from the keep sinner inside telling me I’m not who I really think I am. I get led towards all kinds of temptations and they eventually start to be destructable to me. I feel attacked and run and hide myself not in the online world but in the real world. I definitely just walk away from the public for a while and sometimes even my friends. I think it shouldn’t be this bad, these attacks, but what do I know. I’m just the victim of my own selfish hatred towards myself and my own human actions, which I’m finding out is actually quite more selfish and prideful to even think I’m the “worse” person.

I’ve been clarified that I’m not a failure simply for the fact that even though I’m human, I still seek and desire to be more like Jesus Christ and how he acted in this world. It was so selfless. It helped alot of people not just because of the miracles and healings he did, but also because he changed the way people were seeing things. Selfish desires those people once had were transformed and transitioned into how Jesus really saw and acted. That role model-ship is something I love to talk about and look up to, not anything for the selfish gains of being smart but because there’s real hope in it. Something love pouring, dripping out of the nails that were driven into his hands and feet. That real connection really sets my mind clear of all and every selfish desire and focus more on the real here and now. Alot of stuff needs to be done right now, not because I want recognition but because without this loving action towards accomplishing things for the growth of God’s Kingdom (heaven), his kingdom wouldn’t grow and alot of people would fall victim to the evil crawling on every floor of every home and on the streets, everywhere anyone looks. That evil has a destruction like no other. School is a very good reason I want to be used. School is that open door to the clarification of how God is working in my life right now. School is like Jesus Christ standing in front of mirror, where what his reflection represents is school. That lifeline that many would just about do anything to be a part of was given to me by God and by others so I could learn some revealing stuff at how this world is completely destructing slowly little by little every day. By getting in depth with school and the Bible, I am learning that I’m no know it all with the bible but more like a not know barely anything at all with the bible. The bible, being the manual on life, represents Jesus’ and many who follow God and how they went through life obeying and disobeying, but at the same time through many dangers and trials learning more and more to become reliant on God himself instead on their own strength. This personal relationship stuff with God and his son Jesus Christ has really changed the way I see things.

But going back to the first paragraph, I’m stupid and human and make many errors all the time. An error that I made just recently was to take my eyes off of the cross and not carrying my own load following behind him as he takes up his cross that he had originally been nailed to. Taking my mind off it is like me taking my mind off of driving a car while I’m driving about 70 mph. It just doesn’t work too well. Losing focus and not driving the car eventually leads to crashes and possibly even death. When it says in the bible to take up our cross and follow Jesus Christ, it’s talking about taking your own load, not others. I mean Jesus Christ took our whole load plus everyone elses, which means that we’re all paid up in full and don’t get the ultimate punishment called death. It also means that we have to take no-one else’s load. God takes care of them, so worrying and focusing mostly about your relationship with God instead of alot of drama in the world is a way to follow Christ with your cross.

Other good news, I’m the vice president of the student body @ my college here Davis College. I’m gonna be acting president this coming semester and there’s alot of good things happening at my campus. I’m just thrilled and blessed seriously to be a part of such a great network of believers and friends and basically, family.

I believe it’s about that time of the 3 month period again where I have to clarify some stuff. I’m happy, but definitely not content and I’m somewhat ok to say that. I know that the single-ness journey isn’t exactly the funnest. I believe it’s the best thing though. My friends who aren’t christian also believe it’s best and they support me in some way or another. I’m trying to live a pure lifestyle, but once again living in the generation that we do that the goal to be pure is to throw a rock directly at a target that is surrounded all over the place with glass. Pretty much very fragile life situations. I have to say that I don’t hate girls. Through some realizations and clarifications in my life I can say that I’m a chick guy. That may sound queer to some and even wrong to others, but I hang out with alot of girls and tend to have alot more gal friends than guy friends because I like to talk to girls. I try to figure out who the one is too much… and I’m trying to stop that. I mean not on MY own strength but GODS strength that he gives me. I know it’s really really difficult to NOT think about a relationship with a girl because as a guy you want to be with one so much. I start to lust after the “relationship” aspect of things. I try to follow other guys to go through pointless “close” relationships to try and fulfill that void of loneliness. The only thing it does is kill me slowly… each time.

Whats going to suck is this coming semester. Although I’m a single guy I really don’t want to have anything with anyone due to the fact I don’t know where God is bringing me yet. I have a good set on boundaries and how to have friendships with many. I have goals in my life that I’m trying to accomplish and I really want to continue to accomplish those. I’ve had to tell a couple (gal) friends that I can’t get close because of three reasons: (1) it’d be unfair to them (2) I’m not ready (3) God hasn’t closed the bounds with any ONE particular girl and it’s not clear… yet. So I stick as friends with everyone and my friendships stay on this one level: Friends. I do enjoy hanging out with alot of people and many people I’m sure enjoy me being around annoying them or just being cool and stuff.

I had a really good conversation with my mom when she was driving me back home from a family event the other day. We were discussing my “potential” among other things. Mom says I got alot going for me (not to sound conceited). I’m trying not to suffer from pride which means the best way to do that is stay focused in GODS BUSINESS for me. I’m in GODS BUSINESS. I’m in HIS NETWORK. The best. Well anyways this conversation was good because she said that I’ve been realizing alot of stuff as self-realization haha. But yes I have realized alot as my boundaries for relationships/friendships with people, work, school, and just my personal life and how far I can push myself with stuff. I’m NOT ready to settle down. Probably not for a while considering seeing the divorce rate skyrocket more and more. Seeing my young friends jump into commitments that end up killing them in the end from being over committed and even married. Marriage is a scary word to me sometimes because people jump into it without REALITY of life. I think people should go through stuff, like lessons on life, before they start into other things. Of course we’ve all done this so it doesn’t make such a big deal… but even so commitments while young with the opposite sex are sort of like (i dont know) destructive. That’s why marriage and settling down isn’t yet. I can’t handle my social life and GOD has other plans for me right now. I’M STOKED ABOUT THIS. (ps- I’m really excited!!!!!!!)

My PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with GOD is expanding. I’ve been living for a long time off what others say and think about me, which isn’t necessarily wrong, BUT withOUT a balance of PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with God and OTHERS OPINIONS, I am not growing. Reading books besides the bible isn’t necessarily questionable, but TOO much reading will condense reality of what GOD wants us to do. Sometimes it’ll grow it, but for me personally it’s destructively destroyed the “personal” aspect part of my relationship with God. And that’s hurtful to me in life and especially to others around me.

I have picked up my guitar again and I’m playing again. I got some new acoustic stuff, but I’m not up for sharing because I’m still not good with the guitar plus the guitar is out of tune and the strings are getting old. I been exploring the music field and what pumps me up for God… and I’m realizing that some music does PUMP me up for GOD and His Son.

I leave my instant messenger on, have free txting sent to my phone from it, got Jott (www.jott.com) set up and have reminders sent to my phone all the time, have complete access to facebook/myspace/xanga/wordpress/aim/yahoo/davisny.edu/google.. etc. I’m excited for God opening up communication with all of this plus more.

I believe thankfulness is my anti-drug. It takes away all pain, selfish, loneliness, hurt, sin, evil, thoughts, etc not focusing on what GOD wants me to do.. takes them all away.

GOD has control of my life. Sometimes I still TRY and steal the steering wheel to drive completely the opposite direction, but GOD is awesome and kicks me where it hurts. He gets me to realize I’m not here for me but for Him. I need those kicks in the face a good few times I day even. Jeremiah 29:11

I’ve been going to this website called “topical bible” which is where you type in a topic you want to see verses on and i’ve been running (coincidence or God?) into PHILIPPIANS alot. Phil describes believers trying to live their lives for God and HOW to do that. It’s amazing how God works, isn’t it?

Fight the Good Fight of Faith (1 tim 6:11-14)

I know you’ve heard it before. I hear it alot considering the many different friends I have, but I don’t get tired of hearing it.

I’ve always wanted someone to fight for me. I’ve wanted to be the one stuck in the tower and have my hair be used for my queen charming to come rescue me. I’ve always wanted to be the prince to get rescued by the girl. But those stories aren’t how it is in those fairy tales. In the fairy tales the prince rescues the princess. The man rescues the woman. The man fights for the woman, to win her.

But I don’t want to fight for a woman really. Make me seem sad or wrong. I just don’t see the point. Of course I’m a physically weak man so of course I’m not going to fight for a girl because I’d get beat up.

But God does the fighting. I always always wonder how God does his multitasking. He’s the best multitasker ever. I mean considering he runs the universe… one out of many he runs. He also deals with everyone’s problems. He listens to all who call on him. He sits back and lets bad stuff happen, like a parent watching their kid run to a drunken party, just so the kid could learn from the stuff they did. He has time for all of us. He even has patience to deal with people who write books denying that he exists. He doesn’t make himself known, meaning he’s not prideful. He doesn’t say “tada here I am!” He just lets people wonder and question stuff. He definitely just wants us to seek him, to find him, to look for him. It’s not prideful of God to do that. My opinion is that it’s love. God wants our attention so he’ll let whatever happen in order to get it. He wants us to know that without him we’re destined for issue after issue after annoying painful lashing killing issue. It all ends with death.

This mutitasking is impossible with man and woman. We try, but we have to use cell phones, computers, planners, secretaries, etc to keep our multitasking up. Then we’re tired and don’t want to continue to keep up with the multitasking. But God doesn’t get tired.

My mom is a multitasking woman. She’s kinda like my hero because she’s been there for me all the time. She’s taken time out of her hugely enormous busy schedule to make sure I’m ok and doing well. She keeps contacts not only with me, but my 3 sisters and my brother and my step dad. She has a full time job where she works as a paralegal. She even attends school at night online every night before she goes to bed. She writes papers upon papers and keeps a really busy schedule just with school. Yet she has time for me. She gets tired though. She has to sleep. She’s still a human. But she’s my hero.

God NEVER tires. He NEVER stops. He doesn’t STOP listening. He doesn’t RUN away. He doesn’t IGNORE.

But it’s not just God. It’s the angels in heaven too. It’s His Son Jesus Christ who also fights in the battles every single day. Something that I think I’m fighting all by myself is NOT EVEN CLOSE. I’m fighting alongside God, Jesus, the army of angels… all against the devil.

Everytime I fight and I PRAY, the devils gets a smack in the face. The devil doesn’t like it. It probably hurts or something I don’t really know, but I know that the fight is never lonely.

But for me to think and know I’m not ALONE in my fights and in my battles. Maybe someone around me isn’t going through what I’m going through, but God is always. Jesus Christ died on the cross because he knew we’d need him. We’d need him here. Fighting with us. Fighting for us. Taking our place.

The greatest love for someone is for someone to die for someone, risking their lives in our place. The military do that EVERYDAY so we can have this freedom.

What makes a believer different from a non believer? I mean we all act the same. We all sin still. We all are trying to find gratification in something right? So what makes a believer different from a non believer? This:

Christians have something SOLID to look forward to. They know whats going to happen and have a hope that it’s going to happen. It’s TUCKED AWAY inside of each and every one of them. They live to tell EVERYONE, show EVERYONE this HOPE, this PASSION to LIVE FOR. It’s not something of a joke. It’s not something to take with humor or to poke fun at.

Christians live their lives in a way that people will see Someone at work in their lives. Even in the times that that Christians think they’re failing, they’re not.

Christ is not just someone upstairs praying. He is real. He DEFEATED death to make sure we got a one way ticket to HEAVEN and total CONNECTION with the one who created all of us, everyone.

So why do we falter? Why do we fail? Why are we still challenged? Because we’re still human.

My ultimate goal as a human man on this earth is to show others this connection between God and I. Sometimes the connection is wicked static and sometimes almost non existent, but the truth is that is the time CHRIST is CARRYING ME.

You will make your own mistakes. I won’t yell at you. I have no way of being better than you. I just know we all have THE gracious God as our Father, our true complete father.

“Take me back, Lord.”

“Use me for COMMUNICATION between you and all people.”

“So that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every day good work.”

Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn’t what’s on your head but what’s in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped. I immediately filed Tommy under “S” for strange, very strange. Tommy turned out to be the “atheist in residence” in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father/God.

We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew. When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a lightly cynical tone,

“Do you think I’ll ever find God?”

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. “No!” I said very emphatically.

“Oh,” he responded, “I thought that was the product you were pushing.” I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out, “Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever find Him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!”

He shrugged a little and left my class and my life. I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line — He will find you! At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report came. I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe.

“Tommy, I’ve thought about you so often. I hear you are sick,” I blurted out.

“Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It’s a matter of weeks.”

“Can you talk about it, Tom?” I asked.

“Sure, what would you like to know?” he replied.

“What’s it like to be only twenty-four and dying?”

“Well, it could be worse.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real ‘biggies’ in life.”

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under ‘S’ where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)

“But what I really came to see you about,” Tom said, “is something you said to me on the last day of class.” (He remembered!) He continued, “I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, ‘No!’ which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But He will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My clever line. He thought about that a lot!)
“But when the doctors removed a lump and told me that it was malignant, that’s when I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven. But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn’t really care about God, about an after life, or anything like that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.’ So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him.”

“Dad.”

“Yes, what?” he asked without lowering the newspaper.

“Dad, I would like to talk with you.”

“Well, talk.”

“I mean . . . It’s really important.”

The newspaper came down three slow inches. “What is it?”

“Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that.”

Tom smiled at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him.
“The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me.”

“It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing — that I had waited so long. Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to. Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn’t come to me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, ‘C’mon, jump through. C’mon, I’ll give You three days, three weeks.’ Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour. But the important thing is that He was there. He found me. You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him.”

“Tommy,” I practically gasped, “I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said: ‘God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.’

Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn’t be half as effective as if you were to tell them.”

“Ooh … I was ready for you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for your class.”

“Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call.”

In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date.

However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class.

Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.
Before he died, we talked one last time. “I’m not going to make it to your class,” he said.

“I know, Tom.”

“Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?”

“I will, Tom. I’ll tell them. I’ll do my best.”

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to hear this simple statement about love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven — I told them, Tommy, as best I could.

If this story means anything to you, please pass it on to a friend or two. It is a true story and is not enhanced for publicity purposes.

With thanks,

John Powell, Professor Loyola University in Chicago